I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Bring me that man meat
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
