Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
