hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
