Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
