Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Randomize