**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
