Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
