I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
