addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
