i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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