Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
