I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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