Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
