your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
