I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
