So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Randomize
