I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Randomize
