Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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