I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
