i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
