think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
