I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
