So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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