last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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