I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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