he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
