I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
