I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
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