if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
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