my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I feel like death gave me a hand job
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
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