the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
