stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
