no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
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