Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
