Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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