literally had 100 drinks last night.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
