it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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