Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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