Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
