its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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