Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
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