My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize