My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Randomize
