Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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