i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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