her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
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