i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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