Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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