i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Randomize
