The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
