You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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