Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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