Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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