I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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