Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
