We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
