I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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