i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
You don't make any sense
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