her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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