He asked me if I "almost moaned"
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
