I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
