quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
