just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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