It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
