Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
