dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
it's great music for shaving your balls
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
