I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
