He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize
